”It all starts with you.”
No one in this world is pure and perfect, not even Nature. If you avoid people for their shortcomings, you will most certainly be alone in this world. So try to judge less, and love more. Surround yourself with people who understand. People who lift you up. We rise by lifting others.
People who aren’t quick to judge – those gems, exactly my cup of tea. You can vent to them, and labeling you will be the last thing on their mind. They do not believe rumors because they know there are two sides to every story. They give you a chance before they judge you. They get to know who you really are, then form an opinion.
However, people are usually rather judgmental, towards themselves, others and situations, without even thinking about it.
If you know that you’re a pretty judgemental person, try to challenge yourself to change your mindset. Little by little, watch how being less judgmental will create a more positive outcome; within both your inner and outer world. You will most likely create healthier relationships (with others as well as with yourself), while cultivating curiosity, and by being more open-minded. Others might even regard you as comforting and trustworthy. You never know what might happen 😉
Don’t judge yourself
”What is love? Love is the absence of judgement.”
It all starts with you.
Don’t compare yourself to others, cause how can you? You’re not them, and they are not you. No one is either more or less than you, and you’re not more or less than anyone else. Isn’t that what makes this life so compelling? That we’re a bunch of humans, although somehow so alike, we have our different traits, up-bringings and weird quirks. We have our different struggles, things to heal and to let go of. If we only knew how much there’s to learn from one another, so much wisdom and clarity to gain from each other. Every human you’ve met thus far know that you’ve met them for a reason. Although you’ve let people hurt you in the past, know that it was something you had to go through, in order to find yourself, in order to find your inner strength.
Self-love hasn’t always been a priority in my life, and therefore, I’ve had some hard lessons to learn, in order to finally see my own worth. It’s not narcissistic to love oneself, to take care of oneself. It’s necessary in order to grow and evolve as a human being. And so, stop judging yourself for your wrong-doings, past mistakes and things not working out the way you hoped.
If your wish is to help and inspire other humans, then start by being true to yourself, and not being afraid to show your most authentic self. We help others, by first helping ourselves.
Don’t judge others
”Judging a person doesn’t define who they are, it defines who you are.”
To start with, don’t take things personally.
”Whatever happens around you, don’t take it personally. Nothing other people do is because of you. It’s because of themselves.”
– Don Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements
Now when we’ve put that on the table it might be a bit easier not to take everything so personally; we humans are rather occupied by our own defects and shortcomings, and they might surely come forth when using our tongue.
However, this is by no means uncomplicated. It takes a lot of self-love and courage to see things with an open-heart and to be big-hearted and altruistic, no matter what the circumstances are. Of course you need to stand up for yourself, you need to be treated with respect, love and kindness. All people should be treated that way. Unfortunately we don’t live in a pink, candy cotton, butterflies flying everywhere golden wonderland. Life is just life, and well I guess, life is harsh, from time to time. We should begin to treat it with way more dignity and respect. We should treat our fellow humans with way more dignity and respect as well.
And remember, happy and peaceful people don’t walk around destroying other people’s lives. Therefore, be kind to the unkind. You have no idea what shoes they’re walking in.
Don’t judge the moment
”Be curious, not judgmental.”
This is the door to all that is. Celebrate the moment, and awaken to the flashes unfolding.
The present – the only moment there is for us to be alive. Humans are very good at preparing to live, but not very good a living. Habitually dwelling in the past and dreaming of the future, while having difficulties concentrating the mind on the present moment. Wherever you are – know that you are home. Wherever you find yourself; whether you’re stuck in a rut, anxious, or simply lost in the fast spinning outside world – whatever the present moment contains – accept, then act. Always work with life, not against life. Don’t feel like life is controlling you, you are controlling life. And yes, life will hit you (it might even hit you hard), but know that you’ll never grow with the perfect life.
The moment you begin to evaluate and criticize the situation you’re in, the thoughts flowing within your mind, or even the way you’re breathing, the judging perfectionist has arrived. The judging perfectionist that believes that a present moment experience is supposed to be a blissed-out Zen experience filled with peace and light. And let’s face it, it’s not always like that.
Isn’t it our job to find peace amidst of it all?
”Sometimes, the Universe does not allow us to move forward, until we have honored where we are right know.”
But how is it even possible to stay patient and calm in a world that’s constantly changing? To stay satisfied with what is, when the mind is obsessed with living in the past or worrying about the future? It’s like it does anything just to escape the now.
”I don’t want to be here, I need to get to there.” ”When I find that perfect partner, that perfect job, earn loads of money and become successful, then I’ll be happy.” ”I’m not satisfied with where I am, I need to have more, be more; then my life will be fulfilled.”
The ego will never be fulfilled; no matter how much recognition, power or success it receives the ego will always crave more.
The ego doesn’t thrive by being in the present. However, the present moment is all there ever is and ever will be; when something happens, it always happens now. Nothing ever happens in the future, it happens in the moment.
It’s nothing wrong with wanting to achieve goals, or visualizing a life filled with abundance, prosperity, love and happiness. Most likely these wonderful, external things will bring a great deal of joy and happiness into your life, but for the most part it’s a short-lived kind of happiness. After a while the ego eventually gets bored, unsatisfied, and starts craving more of that external success.
In other words, achieving external success isn’t the root to your happiness. Constantly pleasing others, and thereby forgetting about your own wants and needs, isn’t a life well lived. Defining your worth according to how others treat you, isn’t going to make you feel more desirable. People may adore you, or they may dislike you, either way it shouldn’t affect you, since, in the end what you think about yourself is the only thing that matter. Of course it will hurt if you get abandoned, rejected or replaced. Despite the amount of pain you’re feeling, know that none of these circumstances will make you less worthy. Whether you didn’t get that promotion or you were replaced by another lover, you should never let it affect your inner happiness.
It’s easy, and very human, to fall into negative self-talk whenever something bad happens in life. Self-pity parties might feel okay at first, but in the end, feeling sorry for yourself won’t make you feel any better. Adopting a more positive way of thinking is a first step towards a more solid kind of happiness;
”When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”
Maybe you didn’t get that promotion simply because there’s a much better option waiting for you? Why not trust the unfolding of your life? Why not accept and embrace this moment?
How does one discover an inner, true form of happiness?
By being present.
And by not judging everything as good or bad all the time. Let things be, just as they are. Accept them, just as they are.
What is more, the present moment experience is the most healing state there is. Old emotions stored deep down in the body; whether it’s grief, anger, sadness or pain, need to be released out of our systems. Unprocessed emotions can show up in different forms, such as a disease, judgement towards people we don’t know, or as an addiction. They might even hold us back from evolving, hence keeping us stuck.
And remember; be kind to yourself. You most likely won’t stop judging yourself, others or situations in a blink of an eye. It might take time, however, try to become more aware of how you’re judging other people, or circumstances. How you’re judging yourself. It all starts with you.