”In silence you will find yourself.”
mornings are for coffee and contemplation. truth be told the past four months have been mostly about becoming one with the stillness, one with the unknown. never have i spent this much time in my own company. i would lie if i said it hasn’t been tough at times – cause it has.
however, it has been one of the greatest opportunities i’ve experienced thus far, simply cause it has forced me to go within. forced me to not run away from myself, from all the emotions – fear, pain and anxiety – that come with uncertainty.
it’s a beautiful thing to be able to carry oneself through deep healing. still, an important aspect to bear in mind; we’re never alone, although we might be and feel lonely. there’s always an opportunity to reach out to a friend, family member, mentor or why not even a stranger if you feel the need to share your thoughts with someone. journal. create. or simply choose to just be, to sit with it. to sit within the stillness. to watch the ocean.
try not to distract yourself – cause it’s way too easily done. don’t turn to drugs, alcohol, sex, food, shopping, porn, social media, other people’s approval.. nowadays distractions such as these are everywhere to be found, and they’re used without we even questioning why we are turning towards them. even putting other people’s needs above your own can turn into an addiction. caring too much about others, and too little about yourself.
in fact, the moment you realise that you’re not the one in control anymore, and that there’s something controlling you, then that thing might easily turn into something you will have problems saying no to.
if you know you might suffer from an addiction of some sort, begin to ask yourself why. why am i choosing this? how does it make me feel? do i want this in my life? do i have power over it? or does it have power over me? and lastly; how can i regain my power?
you see, you don’t have to numb the pain inside – you can simply choose to sit with the pain. observe it. accept it. and watch how it, little by little, dissolves. it won’t kill you. it might feel unbearable, challenging and completely dreadful. but it won’t kill you. however, an addiction might destroy you, it might even kill you.
and yes maybe you’ll find that you have many weaknesses, things that you’re not proud of. maybe you’ve hurt people, maybe you’ve let people hurt you. whatever the case, what does it mean? it means nothing. it doesn’t make you a bad person. it doesn’t make you a failure of a person. it just makes you human. accept it, move on. change. grow. exceed your limits. better yourself. if you’re not proud of the person you’ve become then stop complaining, and do something about it. forgive, forget, make your bed, choose differently, choose wisely, walk your own path, show compassion. just don’t be afraid of who you can be.
i wish you a great day, filled with uncertainty. cause from ambiguity anything can arise.