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How to find your confidence

”Stay true to yourself.”

When I talk about confidence, I don’t mean this fake kind of confidence that usually stems from seeking validation either through social media or some other extrinsic source. Rather, I see it as something that symbolizes a feeling of a deeply rooted trust within oneself, regardless of outside circumstances.

Intrinsic confidence, that is what I’m talking about.

This constant need of having to seek approval, in order to feel good about oneself is a never ending circus. It’s very common for us humans to seek other people’s blessings before we feel we are ready to do something. We might be doubting ourselves and our capabilities, and therefore seek to be validated by others. For more on this topic read my blog post Don’t wait for permission.

Confidence is closely related to self-love. The more you approve of yourself, despite your flaws and imperfections, the more confident you’ll become. Confidence is not about being perfect – it’s not about having it all figured out, or needing to have answers to everything all the time.

To be confident is to be content with who and where you are, right now, in this moment. It’s about not being afraid to ask questions. To speak up about things important to you. To seek answers from within, without feeling the need to ask for permission.

Intrinsic confidence is when you know who you are, and what you stand for. You don’t need any external validation in order to feel worthy and loved.

With this being said, below you’ll find some tips on how to be more confident within yourself.

How to find intrinsic confidence

”I believe in myself and my abilities.”

Plant positive thoughts in your mind, and watch how they grow as you water and nourish them daily. Begin every morning with a positive thought. An affirmative intention. ”Today will be a good day.” ”Today I will do my best.”

You’ll have to become aware of the negative self-talk in your head. As soon as you become aware of the negative voice – catch it, simply observe it and replace it with a positive one. ”I’ll never be able to finish all this work today.” -> ”I can do this. I will do my best.”  However, do bear in mind that positive thoughts alone are not enough if you don’t believe in yourself, and have trust within that you can do it.

Don’t compare yourself to others.

This one is obvious, and I find myself writing about it all the time. But it’s worth repeating, because comparing yourself to other people is the fastest way to feeling miserable. Rather, focus on yourself and your own unique combination of strengths. Stay off social media for a while if you find yourself aimlessly scrolling page after page. Instead, spend the time improving yourself.

Cultivate your skills.

Don’t be afraid to spend time with yourself. Get to know yourself. Start writing down your thoughts, both the negative and positive ones. Analyse why these negative thoughts keep on popping up. Focus on the things you do well, the things you’re good at, and the things you enjoy doing. When you dig deep within yourself you’ll gain a great deal of knowledge about yourself, and in the process gain greater self-confidence. The goal is to focus on your skills, and to make them even greater.

Embrace yourself, embrace humanity.

You’ve many powerful traits and characteristics, and your experiences have molded you into the person you are right now. Let’s say that you’re kind of unique – in the way you walk, talk, act and behave. Even your knowledge and expertise is distinctive to you. However, as much as we humans wish to regard ourselves as these uinque beings, we’re actually more alike than we like to think. It’s kind of a paradox – yes we’re all humans and therefore very similar, nevertheless, we’re also very different in regards to our cultures, up-bringings, experiences, dreams and values. Hence, the importance of non-judgment.

Stop trying to be anyone else, when you’ve the possibility to be you.

Be kind.

Be generous with your time, and what you have to offer. If you have something another person is lacking – a special skill or talent – teach it, spread your knowledge in order to improve another person’s life. To help and serve another human being will have a positive effect on your self-confidence.

Learn something new.

Read books, listen to podcasts, take a course and learn something totally new. Becoming more knowledgeable will increase your innate power and your sense of open-mindedness. Dare to put yourself outhere and try something you’ve never done before – it will most definitely boost your confidence. It’s not about succeeding and excelling, but to have the guts to try.

Set small goals and make them happen.

Set a goal that you’re confident that you’ll achieve. This should be a small, every-day-goal such as waking up one hour earlier, spending less time on social media, drinking two extra glasses of water, exercising or going for a walk for at least 30 minutes. When you’ve achieved one goal set another one. You’ll feel much better about yourself when achieving all of these smaller goals, and soon you’ll find yourself setting much bigger goals. Start small, and take it step by step.

Having said that, we can’t run away from the fact that it’s actually pretty nice to gain recognition and appreciation for something we have done – we’re humans after all. Needless to say we shouldn’t solely rely on other people’s opinions. Of course it’s good to seek out advice and help within areas where we wish to improve, nevertheless, never should we let our confidence depend on it.

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