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Growth is uncomfortable

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”Energy flows where your attention goes.”

Two weeks ago I decided that I was going to write a blog post every day until Christmas. A decision based on me feeling a bit unmotivated, and I thought that what better way than to pressure myself to take som damn action. And I must say that there’s truth in the statement action breeds motivation.

With that being said. Let’s talk about 2020.

What’s the best thing that has happened for you this year?

Although this year has been filled with adversity, and we all have had our struggles, I still would like you to reflect on something good that has happened for you. Take some time, and reflect on some things that have made you stronger, more resilient. And of course you don’t have to share it with me. But if you want, then you’re more than welcome ❤

”You give life to what you focus on.”

Personally, I was forced out of my comfort zone (like many others out there). And that can actually be a good thing, since it all comes down to how we choose to look at it. Was I comfortable? No way. I’m still not sure I am, but I’m learning to flow with it. Instead of letting fear run the show, I rather see excitement and curiosity play the leading role. And yes, it’s much smoother when you’re the one in charge of the changes happening in life, but no, that’s not always the case. Sometimes the universe gives you shit, but that’s only because she wants you to turn that shit into gold.

Oftentimes we don’t grow when we’re too comfortable.

”Growth is uncomfortable because you have never been here before. ”

Every day trying my best to be comfortable with the uncertainty, not letting fear be a dominant factor in what I do. Instead, my goal is to take action to initiate change. When the comfort has been taken away from us it’s time to lean towards growth. There are times when we are fully engaged in the things happening in the outside world that we simply forget to connect with the vast world within. Rest assured; the more you listen to, and trust your own unique voice things will start flowing more effortlessly, regardless of how chaotic life may seem. 

And with that said, I hope you have a lovely Christmas holidays filled with love and magic.

❤

Journaling

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”Fragile you are, little seed. Planted in the depths of thick, dark, nourishing soil. Resilient you are, blooming flower. Early spring.”

While being perfect is rather boring, we should instead strive to be a bit more willing to be the best version of ourselves. A version that will change from day to day, from hour to hour even. Some days we learn, some days we win. However, we don’t stop when the mountain gets too high or the sea too rough. Rather, we adjust. We may scream a little (or a lot), we may laugh at our foolishness. But we continue, we adapt. And that’s how we evolve.

In my last post ”10 habits to change your life” I wrote about small habits that will make your days more enjoyable, productive and mindful. However, I realised I forgot to mention one of my favorites – journaling.

Needless to say, there’s an endless list of habits which to incorporate in order to produce a bit more substance to your day. Ask yourself; What can I do to make my day more meaningful? It can be anything, as long as it invigorates you. Something modest, yet something which holds a great deal of significance, and that you wish to bring about, every day.

Journaling

Ever since I started with this daily practice I’ve felt less anxious, and more at ease. You see, my mind is constantly chatting – always seems to be a party up there. However, through journaling I somehow separate and remove all the clutter from the important information, the things that make sense, make me proceed. Usually I start my day by writing my thoughts down in a notebook, since I prefer it to be handwritten.

10-15 minutes of free writing, and the mind feels lighter. It’s like space has been created for new, more creative thoughts to enter. At least for me journaling makes it easier to think. It’s also a tremendous way to get rid of deeply stored emotions and feelings, instead of storing them in the body, you get them out on a piece of paper. Very terapheutic.

What is more, journaling is a perfect way to get to know oneself on a deeper level, hence building self-awareness.

Scripting & visualizing

Another thing I like to do while journaling is scripting and visualizing. This is a powerful tool for you create the life that you want. It’s a way of visualizing your future, and how you wish it to unfold; in other words you get to design your entire life.

Whether you choose to use scripting once a week, once a month or once a year, remember it can be a powerful tool in order to create your desired destiny. Write everything in detail, the way you wish your life to be. Write everything as if, in the present tense, the way that you desire it to be.

The key ingredient when writing your script is the emotions behind the words;

How do you want to feel? How does your future life make you feel?

Implementing gratitude is an important part when scripting. In between sentences write down how thankful you are for the life you have.

Last but not least – make it fun! Scripting is supposed to be light-hearted. Your focus should be on having fun while doing it so you don’t have doubts about whether it will happen or not. Creating your life should be joyful, and filled with passion, combined with an effortless flow, making insecurities and fears disappear.

❤

10 habits to change your life

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‘Consistency is more important than perfection.’

Below you’ll find a list of small habits that will make your days more enjoyable, productive and mindful. Keep in mind that it takes approximately 21 days to form a new habit, therefore be consistent. Performing habits like these might not seem like a big deal, but it’s usually the smallest of habits and routines that, at the end of the day, will have an huge impact on our everyday life.

”The future is created in the present moment. Don’t resist the seasons changing, instead, learn to flow with the breath of life.”

  1. Wake up one hour earlier. If you’re not already waking up super early try to set your alarm one hour earlier than usual. Dedicate this extra time to yourself; really take the time to enjoy your coffee, read a chapter in your favorite book, practice yoga, or go outside for a morning walk. Getting ready for the day ahead in a calm and relaxed manner is a crucial step towards a more productive day. At least it will help you feel more in control, since having more time will make your morning less stressful, which in turn, will make your day less stressful. A study conducted by Dr. Joerg Huber of Roehampton University in London found that ”Morning people tend to be healthier and happier as well as having lower body mass indexes.” And remember, try to stay away from your mobile phone during these early morning moments.
  2. Do everything with great passion. Whether it’s brushing your teeth, cooking, taking a shower, driving to work, having sex with your partner. Whatever it is – do it with passion. Let yourself be totally immersed in the practice – it will immediately take you into a more present kind of experience. It’s about not forgetting the importance of the mundane things, and making them more enjoyable. Life is not about waiting for the big things to occur, it’s about appreciating the everyday activities as well.
  3. Choose positive thoughts. Become mindful of your thoughts and how they actually affect you. ”Rather than being your thoughts and emotions, be the awareness behind them.” – Eckhart Tolle. Do not judge yourself for having negative thoughts – simply notice them, and then, watch them peacefully pass through you. Understand that they are only thoughts, and that you hold the power to change them. Why even engage in negativity when you can choose to be positive? The decision is all yours. And this, however, doesn’t mean that you should ignore the bad stuff. Of course not, since bad stuff happen all the time. Nevertheless, it’s how you choose to look at the things happening in your life that will determine your overall wellbeing.
  4. Practice gratitude. Focus on all things wonderful you have in your life, rather than focusing on the bad, or the things you don’t yet have. If you start to focus on all the love and support around you, you’ll attract more love and support. A grateful heart is a magnet for more ❤ Every day before going to bed write down 10 things that you’re genuinely grateful for; it can be anything from clean water, a comfortable bed, a kind heart, to a healthy, strong body. And while you’re at it, spend some time reflecting on things you could have done differently – did your words match your actions? Did you show compassion towards yourself and others? Did you have a good day? And if not – what can you do tomorrow that might change things around for the better.
  5. Spend time in nature. Sunlight, fresh air, adventure, calmness – Mother Nature has a lot to offer. There are high mountains to climb, oceans to get lost in, sandy beaches to marry, forests to make us breathe more deeply, soft snowflakes caressing our cheeks; Nature is limitless, and full of surprises. Let yourself become lost in her creativity.
  6. Perform an act of kindness. Do something nice for someone else, every day. A random act of kindness can totally turn a person’s day around. And while you’re at it – be kind to yourself. Always be kind to yourself. Choose healthy, nutritious foods – your body, mind and soul are worthy of only the best. Give yourself time to exercise – your body will thank you, and you will have more energy for all the things you wish to do.
  7. Make time for the things you love. Even if it means that you have to get up one hour earlier… Dedicating time for the things you love is crucial for your well-being. The days may be hectic, and life is passing by in high-speed, however, there is always time for the things you love – it’s called prioritizing.
  8. Always carry a water bottle with you. Dehydration is not fun; it makes you feel tired, sluggish and unfocused. Always make sure you bring your water bottle with you. Thirsty? Put down the soda and grab water. Your body is made up of 50-75 % water. You need to keep that water intake going for your body’s production. ”85 percent of your brain tissue is comprised of water, so if you’re dehydrated, your body and mind will both be stressed.”
  9. Learn to just be. Let yourself become one with the present moment. Usually this happens when you do the things you love, hours passing by without you even noticing. I’ve become more aware of my surroundings when I go for a walk without my head phones on – it helps my mind to calm down, and thereby makes room for new, creative thoughts to enter.
  10. Be active in your everyday life. While it’s important that you workout regularly, it’s even more crucial that you’re active in your everyday life. Take a short walk during lunch-break, skip the elevator, or why don’t you buy yourself a bicycle… If you have two legs make sure that you’re using them. Be grateful for having two legs.

❤

The courage to change

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”She travels through phases to rise in full bloom.”

– and so does the Moon

As humans we often find ourselves struggling as soon as we encounter change of some sort. Nonetheless, change is inevitable for us to transform and evolve. It’s unavoidable, in order for us to become the humans we are meant to become. I’ve not always seen eye to eye with change. As a matter of fact I’ve always been afraid of change. Deeply afraid of change.

In the past change usually made me feel uncomfortable, like I had no control over my life. No control over my Self. However small or big, it always made me feel uneasy. I wanted to feel safe, and at ease, despite the fact that the situation I was finding myself in was nothing but detrimental for my evolution as a human being. Nevertheless, as time passes by I’ve become to appreciate the uncertainty of life, and I’ve become to appreciate change. There’s beauty in wanting to change, in wanting to transform. There’s beauty in uncertainty. Something that used to make me feel anxious and fearful, now makes me feel a little bit more excited, and alive.

You posses the power to change the way you look at things

By being more present in the moment, and by turning inwards, towards myself, I’ve realised the importance of allowing things to unfold effortlessly, without me trying to interfere. Life guides us every single day, if we let it. It’s up to us to decide how we react to the things happening for us. We can’t control life, however, it provides us with lessons, and opportunities for growth each and every day. Still, no one can take away our reactions to life, that’s one thing we’ll always have control over. We’ll always have control over our thoughts, decisions and responses. You posses the power to change the way you look at things. And when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.

Don’t be afraid to change

What is more, you should never be afraid to change. If the person you are at the moment just doesn’t feel right, or you feel that you can be more, do more – then know that there is always the opportunity for you to change. The best thing about change is, that it’s never too late. You’re never too young, or too old. Now is always the perfect time. Just like the seasons, we change. You can change how many times you like, that’s no one’s business, but yours. You choose. You choose when it’s your season to change.

And remember, not everyone will understand you, and the path you’re walking. Don’t let that discourage you from moving forward, from changing. You can’t be everyone’s cup of tea. As long as you’re your own cup of tea, and as long as you don’t harm anyone, or yourself, it’s completely fine. As a matter of fact, it’s more than fine. It’s marvellous. Wonderful, and just as it’s supposed to be.

Rise in full bloom

Darling, I hope you have the courage to change, the day you feel it’s time. Cause, the day will come when the pain of staying stuck gets bigger than the pain of uncertainty. However, the more I think about change, the more I’ve become to realise that maybe it’s actually not so much about changing, but more so about becoming the person I’ve always been, deep within. Allowing myself to rise in full bloom.

Life is far from linear, rather, I believe life should be seen as a process. You might think that you have all of your life figured out by the age of 30. But, then life happens, and all of a sudden you might feel a tremendous need to speak up, to speak your truth. It’s like the calm, unnoticeable voice that has been deeply hidden inside of you suddenly wants to shout out loud. You see, all these years it has been trying to get your attention, yet you never really took the time to listen to what it had to say. That’s one reason why I treasure the stillness so much.

Compassion towards others begins with compassion towards ourselves

Within the tranquility lies the answer. The answer to your deepest desires. Why are we so afraid to follow that inner voice? Why are we so afraid to trust our inner knowing, our inner wisdom? Are we so concerned about what others might think of us, that we don’t even allow our own intuition to guide us? I truly believe that the more we go within, and reflect upon where we are in life, and where we want to be, the more we stop comparing ourselves to others. I also believe that the more we learn about ourselves, the more we begin to trust ourselves. And the more we learn to forgive ourselves for our past mistakes and not so wise decisions, the more we begin to forgive the people around us for their shortcomings. Compassion towards others begins with compassion towards ourselves. We shouldn’t be so hard on ourselves, and neither should we take this life too seriously. You’re allowed to change, as many times as you like. You’re allowed to be, exactly who you wish to be.

There’s this book ”The courage to be disliked” written by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga. I knew it would become a favourite of mine just by reading the back part of the book. It’s a conversation between a philosopher and a young man, and their discussion reveals a profoundly liberating way of thinking: by developing the courage to change and to ignore the limitations so frequently imposed upon us, it’s possible to find happiness. The authors are using the theories of Alfred Adler, and is written in the classical ”dialogue format” method of Greek philosophy. I highly recommend the book; it’s simple, straightforward and eye-opening. A good read, indeed, especially for those longing for the courage to change.

❤

Dear Friday…

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… love me in such a way that makes me feel, free.

”We can never run out of love; it’s in the air we’re breathing.”

Each and every one of us walking on this planet are worthy of a beautiful life. A life filled with joy, excitement, happiness and love. A life filled with abundance. Having said that, each and every one of us are responsible for our own happiness, to some extent. 

However, for some of us it will definitely be a lot more challenging; it’s like the universe demands more from some people than others. Yet, I believe the universe won’t give you anything which you can’t handle. If you’re constantly going through difficult situations; please, take a step back, and pause for a while. What is this trying to teach me? How will this make me grow? In the end, it’s all about our mindset, and how we choose to look at the things happening for us.

And yet I agree, at times it can be very difficult to try to find the positive in every situation. But the more I think about it – the more we choose truth and love, rather than fear and hatred, life will become easier. Eventually, life will flow with more effortless ease. When we choose to fully enjoy life, all aspects of life, that is also the moment when we become to realise the beauty of life.

”This is what life is all about – to be able to provide support and guidance in times of need. And at the same time, be able to accept help when needed.”

When I say we all are responsible for our own happiness, I do not mean that we should not care about other peoples’ wellbeing, and solely think about ourselves. I strongly believe we are here to help each other. There will be times when you need to reach out for support, and there will be a time when you might have to help a complete stranger. This is what life is all about – to be able to provide support and guidance in times of need. And at the same time, be able to accept help when needed.

We have no idea what will happen in the future. Of course we can plan and prepare ourselves to the best of our abilities, but still, anything can happen. Every morning when you wake up; be thankful. Be happy you got this opportunity, to be here, right now, 2020. How you choose to show up to life is your decision. It is solely your decision. Now and then you might need to seek guidance from a close friend, someone you know you can trust. Other times you find the guidance inside of yourself; by being still. By quieting down the mental chatter, and external noise. By listening, and going within.

What is the purpose then, for all of this? The purpose of life?

The answers might of course vary greatly, depending on who you ask. However, I have come to believe that one main purpose is to make this existence a little more pleasant, for all of us. To choose love instead of fear, truth instead of dishonesty.

The most beautiful thing we can do for another human being, and ourselves, is to serve; to help each other grow, and transform into the humans we are meant to become. We are here to inspire, and to be inspired. The moment we start to see the beauty and potential within another human, that is the moment we start to see the beauty and potential within ourselves. This is how we are connected. We are all individuals, uniquely built, trying to figure out this thing called life; the path that will be the right one for us, things we need to accomplish in order to feel complete, and fulfilled. Nevertheless, at a closer look; aren’t we all so alike, in the way we all strive for happiness, security and love?

How we finally arrive at our destination, reaching that peaceful state of mind, will however differ for all of us. And maybe it’s not so much about reaching a final destination, rather, seeing it as a process in which we always have the opportunity to choose how to move forward. Be that as it may, in the end, we are all humans, and at the depth of our beings, longing for a sense of contentment, love and compassion.

Be kind. Always, be kind.

❤

Surrender

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”In this moment I am exactly who, and where, I need to be.”

There is no way we humans can control what is happening around us. We may think that we have control, or we may have thought that we had control (and now; all is lost). However, thinking that we have control is nothing but an illusion. Control can be seen as something that our minds have made up, in order to create a sense of security and safety.

Earlier this year I listened to a Ted Talk podcast with Elisabeth Gilbert. She said something that I’ve been thinking about lately, something I remind myself of whenever I start to feel anxious and worried. Hopefully it can help you in this moment, in case you feel out of control or fearful.

Whenever you tell yourself ”I’m losing control” or ”I have no control over the situation I’m in”  – Know that the sense that you had control was a myth to begin with… Recognise that you never had control, all you had was anxiety, and that’s what you’re having right now. Surrendering means letting go of something you never had control over.

– Elisabeth Gilbert

Read that again – Surrendering means letting go of something you never had control over. 

Nevertheless, this doesn’t imply that you’re a completely powerless human being – in fact you posses a great deal of power. What you do have control over in this unpredictable world is your reaction to all that is happening. No one can take the ability to choose how to react away from you. Why? Cause you own it. That power is all yours. Yet, you might not won’t to take that responsibility. Can it be that it’s a too heavy burden to carry, to know that you actually are the one responsible for your own wellbeing?

At a first glance letting go seems like giving up – I’m throwing in the towel, I can’t take this anymore. However, it’s nothing like that; the minute you surrender a sense of peace will arise. When you align with the present moment the motivation to take action, and to actually do something comes from a deeper knowing. And most importantly, the action doesn’t come from fear. It stems from serenity. It stems from compassion. It stems from the fact that when nothing is certain, anything is possible.

You are here, there is nowhere else to be. Why focus on being somewhere else, when you are here? If you can’t change the situation in this very moment – surrender. If you feel pain, fear or anxiety – surrender. Feel it – don’t numb how you’re feeling – Feel it. And after, surrender a bit more. And then, let it go. The future hasn’t arrived yet, and when it does, it will arrive in the now. All these thoughts going through your head; observe them, let them dance through you as you witness them, peacefully pass by. Between one thought and another you’ll find space.

Clear blue sky.

Ascend into it, let it breathe through you while it guides you towards your truth.

The more present you are in every moment, the more alive and alert you’ll be. The choices you need to make, the actions you need to take – everything will arise, within. When you listen, you will hear the birds sing, the heart spring. The moment you turn away from the things, thoughts distracting you, you give yourself an opportunity to trust yourself. Essentially, you’ll know how to trust yourself. The only thing needed; your presence.

You are here, there is nowhere else to be,

but here.

❤

Mindfulness & Resilience

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”Resilience is not about overcoming,

but becoming.”

– Sherri Mandel

Resilience (noun) re-sil–ience

”… the process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats or significant sources of stress – such as family and relationship problems, serious health problems or workplace or financial stressors.”

– American Psychological Association

The past year has definitely been a year filled with adversity, threats and significant sources of stress. For many of us our sense of control swiftly disappeared, and we found ourselves solely relying on our inner strength. Taking it day by day. And some days, hour by hour.

In a Ted Talk, Shauna Shapiro talks about mindfulness as one of the most effective vehicles for how to help people transform. ”What you practice grows stronger”, says Shapiro. According to research we can sculpt and strengthen our synaptic connections based on repeated practice. However, paying attention in the present moment is not enough, says Shapiro – it is how we pay attention. She talks about paying attention with kindness. The beneficial effects of kind attention are that it decreases stress, strengthens our immune functioning and helps us sleep better, among other things. (Shapiro, 2017). 

But can mindfulness strengthen our mental health or resilience? According to Goleman and Davidson high level of meditation practice can help us better control our emotions; hence not let them pull us into their melodrama. According to the authors Mindfulness-Based-Cognitive Therapy (MBCT) has been an effective way to lower the relapse rate in severe depression. Studies have shown that in cases where people suffer from depression so severe that no medication helped them, MBCT did. However, when it comes to meditation it is all about consistency. In order for you to enjoy the benefits you need to make it into a repeated practice. (Goleman & Davidson, 2017). 

A principle within cognitive therapy is that of decentering – in other words, to observe thoughts and feelings without being overly identified with them – and meditation can be used as an effective tool to help us with that. (Goleman & Davidson, 2017). 

Resilience – skill or a trait?

According to a study by Leys et al. (2018) it is currently impossible to determine with certainty the nature of resilience – whether it is a skill or a trait. The arguments for resilience as a skill explores that resilience could be seen as a dynamic process, which can be strengthened through therapeutic intervention.

Contrastingly, the arguments for resilience as a personality trait argue that resilience is associated with personality traits, seeing it as more stable over time. For example a study indicates that resilience was positively related to openness to experience, conscientiousness, and extraversion, and negatively related to neuroticism. (Leys, Arnal, Wollast, Rolin, Kotsou & Fossion, 2018).

Man’s Search For Meaning

I think it’s impossible to write about resilience without mentioning Victor E. Frankl. In his book Man’s Search For Meaning Frankl discusses his own personal experiences and observations of life in a concentration camp. He writes that it seemed that sensitive people who were used to a rich intellectual life might have suffered much pain, but the damage to their inner selves was less – as they were able to retreat to a life of inner resources and spiritual freedom. Frankl writes that this is one way to explain ”the apparent paradox that some prisoners of a less hardy makeup often seemed to survive camp life better than did those of a robust nature.” (Frankl, 2004, s. 47). 

Whether resilience is seen as a skill or a trait, I do believe we humans can enhance our resilience through consistent practise. Some of the characteristics of resilience are for example a sense of meaningfulness (to find meaning in the seemingly meaninglessness), faith, humor, patience, tolerance and optimism. Moreover, having strong self-esteem and self-efficiency, as well as an adaptability to change and an action-oriented approach, are also some attributes associated with a person’s amount of resilience.

It’s okay if today the only thing you did was to breathe. Every tiny action is still an action. An action forward, working towards a solution, rather than focusing on the negatives. Don’t let your thoughts control the way you feel. You’re more than capable of controlling your mind – its’ all about trusting yourself. Trust your ability to take care of yourself. Hold space for all aspects of life – everything is here to teach us something, if we let it.

❤

References:

Frankl, V. E. (2004) Man’s Search For Meaning. Great Britain: Rider.

Goleman, D., & Davidson, R. (2017) The Science of Meditation – How to Change Your Brain, Mind and Body. United Kingdom: Penguin Life. 

Leys, C., Arnal, C., Wollast, R., Rolin, H., Kotsou, I., & Fossion, P. (2018) Perspectives on resilience: Personality Trait or Skill? European Journal of Trauma & Dissociation, 4, 1-6. 

Shapiro, S. Tedx Washington Square. (2017, 10 march). The Power of Mindfulness – What You Practice Grows Stronger. Accessed from: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IeblJdB2-Vo

Embrace humility

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”The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.”

– Socrates

Part of being humble means realizing that you don’t have all the answers. Humble people are curious and eager to learn more, in order to become better versions of themselves. Furthermore, they’re self-reliant and competent in themselves, and therefore seek to self-actualize by helping others. I read somewhere that being humble is not to think less of oneself, but to think of oneself less.

Consequently, humility is not about being too passive and insecure, rather it’s about being confident in one’s own skin, knowing we’re all different, yet at the same time, somehow quite the same.

”Be humble enough to know that you’re not better than anyone else, but wise enough to know you’re different.”

Below you’ll find some of the most common traits that might help you become a little more humble ❤

Be curious.

Humble people usually have an inquiring mind, meaning they know there’s always something to learn, there’s always new insight and knowledge to gain. Learning is an ongoing process, and I strongly believe one can’t have too much wisdom. A humble person also isn’t afraid to ask questions, or to ask for help. In other words, they understand that we humans have a lot to learn from one another, and that different mind-sets, cultures, experiences and up-bringings are a richness that we all can take advantage from. Choose to walk through life with an open mind. Know that you’ll never be fully completed; everyday is an opportunity to learn something new.

Listen.

”That’s why I like you so much. Your heart isn’t dead.”
– Albert Camus

To listen, to actually listen, to what people say, is a skill mastered by a few. When we’re engaged in a conversation we usually think about what we’re going to say next, without really listening to the person talking to us. We’re so caught up in our own thoughts that we simply forget to give our attention to the other individual. Learn to shift your focus away from your thinking mind to the person in front of you; what is he/she actually saying? Respond to their words, not to the thoughts in your head. Pay attention to the person’s body language, as well as nuances within his/hers words and voice.

Be appreciative.

Have plenty of self-love and healthy ambitions, and always work hard for the things you believe in, nonetheless, count your blessings. Be grateful for all the opportunities, big or small, life presents you with. You’ll never be fully satisfied if you’re constantly seeking for more, without pausing to reflect on all the wonderful things you already have in your life. There’s plenty to be grateful for; the small things (which in fact aren’t small at all, but we’re so used to them, and therefore easily take them for granted) such as the bed you sleep in, the water you drink, the food on your table, the job you have, the people around you, the house you live in. Be appreciative – and don’t forget yourself – show appreciation and compassion towards yourself as well. Everything starts with you.

Take responsibility.

Learn to take responsibility for your actions. No one will come and save you, life is fully your responsibility. If you’re not satisfied with where you are at the moment, don’t start by blaming outer circumstances, or the people around you, instead look within; what is it that you can do in order to change things around? Don’t blame other people for your misfortunes; if someone chooses to treat you poorly – speak up for yourself, and start changing the way you look at things. You have the power to choose how you react to other people’s behaviour. Don’t take anything another person does personally. Take responsibility for your behaviour, for your actions. You’re the one in control of your life. You can’t control the things happening for you, nevertheless, you can control how you react to the things happening for you.

Speak your mind.

Don’t be afraid to speak with honesty. Be real, be raw, be you. Don’t let anyone dim your light. If you wish to create something, change something, or simply put your mark on this world in one way or the other – just go for it. Don’t be afraid to fail, be happy you tried. Be confident within your abilities, within yourself. We all have the right to speak our minds. As long as you don’t disrespect anyone, do what sets your soul on fire. And while you’re busy working on your passions, you encourage others to do so as well. These things spread like wildfire.

Embrace an abundance mentality.

If you walk through life with a lack mindset, you most probably will have difficulties achieving anything. Another person’s success doesn’t mean that now there’s less for you, quite the contrary; it simply means that also you have the possibility to succeed. Learn to embrace an abundance mentality.

And if you’re one of those that have difficulties being happy for other peoples’ happiness – change it, and change it now. You being jealous of other peoples’ successes, won’t get you anywhere. Start to be happy for other people, and you’ll see that more will come to you. Be open-minded, don’t be afraid to try new things and step outside that comfort zone of yours – when you start to open your eyes to the world around you, you’ll see there’s plenty you can do. Plenty of different ways to succeed. Do your thing. Do you. Courageously, and humbly.

❤

How to manage stress

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”While you cannot control the weather, you can always choose to kiss in the rain.”

To not encounter some kind of stressor in your life is rather impossible. Stress is inevitable, and most certainly we will feel stressed out at some point in our fast paced life. However, what are the steps we can take to master stress, and not become its victim?

But firstly, what is stress?

Stress can be seen as a process. This view emphasizes the importance of how we appraise – that is, judge – demanding or threatening events (stressors); these appraisals, in turn, influence our reactions to such events. Therefore, stress is largely in the eye of the beholder; it’s not so much what happens to you as it is how you respond.

Stress can, however, be a positive, motivating force that can improve the quality of our lives; a moderate amount of stress can be beneficial in challenging situations.

Nonetheless, when a person experiences very strong emotions – especially those associated with a perceived threat – the body’s sympathetic nervous system and the endocrine system is activated (the fight-or-flight response). This is mainly due to maintenance of homeostasis; an internal environment in which physiological variables are stabilized at levels optimal for survival. However, most of us do not face dangerous threats each and every day, nevertheless the body’s fight-or-flight response can easily be triggered by difficult life-changing events such as a divorce, death of spouse, and even events such as public speaking, an important exam, or a job interview.

And secondly, why is stress so dangerous?

In short, stress weakens the immune system. Psychoneuroimmunology is the field that studies how psychological factors such as stress influence the immune system and immune functioning.

Stress, especially during early life, can be just as harmful to our health as smoking or fast-food. Moreover, stress – if it’s chronic- takes a toll on our bodies and can have enormously negative health implications. A prolonged, or repeated stress, has been implicated in development of a number of disorders such as hypertension, coronary heart disease, asthma, IBS and depression.

(Bonus facts; Why do stressed out people look so worn out? Stress, it seems, can shorten telomeres, which are segments of DNA that protects the ends of chromosomes. Shortened telomeres can inhibit or block cell division, which includes growth and proliferation of new cells, thereby leading to more rapid ageing.)

Effective coping strategies

There are different coping styles to take in order to manage your stress.

A problem-focused coping style is when we actively try to do things to address the problem. For example; let’s imagine that you lost your job. If you choose a problem-focused coping style you’ll start applying for jobs, learning new skills, branching out to people and enlarging your social network – everything that might make it easier for you to find yourself a new job. Nevertheless, if you choose a emotion-focused coping style you are treating the symptoms rather than the actual cause. If we take loosing your job as an example; you would rather seek out things that will make the situations feel more bearable than trying to find a solution to your problem.

Emotion-focused coping is more effective when dealing with uncontrollable stressors. Hence, problem-focused coping is favourable when facing stressors you perceive as controllable.

Perceived control is your beliefs about your personal capacity to exert influence over and shape outcomes. Greater personal control is associated with lower reactivity to stressors in daily life.

In addition to having the right coping strategies, there are numerous means by which you can manage stress;

  • Establish a social support network – Building strong relationships with others helps us establish a network of close, caring individuals who can provide social support in times of distress, sorrow and fear. Social support can take many forms, such as advice, guidance, encouragement, acceptance and emotional comfort.
  • Exercise – It’s well established that exercise is beneficial for both physical and mental health. Physically fit individuals are more resistant to the effect of stress and recover more quickly from stress than less physically fit individuals.
  • Meditation & relaxation – Sit upright in a comfortable space, in a relaxed position. Focus on your breathing or repeat a word or a calming phrase (mantra) to yourself. A relaxation response approach is conceptualized as a general approach to stress reduction that reduces sympathetic arousal, and it has been used effectively to treat people with high blood pressure. (For those interested in the science of meditation I can strongly recommend the book ”The Science of Meditation” written by David Coleman & Richard J. Davidson 2017).

A growing movement and field of research called positive psychology emerged in 1998, thanks to psychologist Martin Seligman who urged psychologist to focus more on understanding how to build human strength and psychological well-being. In a general sense, positive psychology can be thought of as the science of happiness; it seeks out to identify and promote qualities that lead to greater fulfilment in our lives, and it moves aways from focusing on people’s pathology, faults and problems.

Important topics studied by positive psychologist include altruism, empathy, creativity, forgiveness, compassion, the importance of positive emotions and enhancement of immune system functioning. Recent efforts in the field have focused on extending its principles toward peace and well-being at the level of the global community. In a world in which conflict, hatred and distrust are common, such a positive-peace-psychology could have important implications for understanding how to overcome oppression and work toward global peace.

A stress-free life not only brings peace within, but moreover, can help to establish peace between humans.

Source: OpenStax University – Psychology

Dear November…

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… there’s no June without you.

”The silent hour of night,
and my heart suddenly arise,
caressing my awaken sight,
while awaiting life, with blissful eyes.”

Your days short, nights endless. Swimming in your darkness, facing our deepest fears. There’s no way escaping the twilight, but to invite it to dance. Pour your insecurities on us, cover our lives in darkness, but, you’ll never, ever destroy us.

This November is all about harnessing the talents within. Cultivating curiosity, courage, confidence and creativity. Life is filled with opportunities. Trust. It’s about accepting and releasing emotions, negative thoughts. Reaching out to humans through loving kindness and warmhearted action. Striving for growth and progression. Connection and compassion. Speaking with integrity. Being impeccable with the words.

There’s always a reason to choose happy. Keep it fresh and wild, darling soul child.

In the beginning, even when your goals seem out of reach you’ll have to trust yourself. Trust that you have what it takes to get to where you want to be. In the end it’s only you who decide who you are, and what’s possible to achieve.

Small steps, and every tiny victory, will take you further along the road. If you have a clear vision of where you see yourself in the future – keep that vision in your mind and never lose sight of it. You don’t have to know exactly how you’re going to get there, just believe that you will. Work hard, every day. Strive to always challenge yourself, and remember – enjoy the process as well.

I welcome you, dear November. I believe your cold breeze sings to me, as your dark night speaks to me. My quiet thoughts secretly in love with your dark, fierce character. However, be gentle, be kind, as summer, still on my mind. And while I’m reading you slowly, I’ve become aware, that beneath that brisk, unpredictable wind, lies a warm, delicate soul, teaching us all how to grow. Quiet the mind. Dance with every breath. Now is the time to set all worries aside, to rise above limiting beliefs and self-destructive behavior. Awaken to a new confidence, as forceful as the strongest, brittlest wind. Found within. Sometimes it takes courage to be who you are. Always found within. 

❤

Linda