Modern dating has never fascinated me, but I guess I will have to play along, as I ended up on Earth during Tinder high-season. Yet, impatiently waiting for it to become like that picturesque southern Italian island mid-December – beautifully deserted. 

I can probably count the dates I have been on using both hands. Swiping left and right has turned me into a shallow being. Why are they all so short?!? I won’t lie, I have always experienced life through the eyes. And why wouldn’t I? Earth is beautiful. But being on the apps makes me feel like I am searching for the America’s Next Top Model, instead of someone to hold me during late August thunderstorms. 

As I would not classify myself as an avid dater, I would say I’m a curious observer. Nothing really surprises me, yet everything amazes me. Have humans skipped the part where they ask genuine questions to get to know someone? And I don’t mean ’What sex position do you prefer?’ Clearly, a first-date-approved question for many.

”Conservative,” they say when I don’t give them an answer, and then that strange, distant look, like I’m from another planet (if they only knew). 

Darling human, you don’t want another sex partner, you want someone who listens to your worries at 3am, I silently whisper. They don’t hear, too busy trying to convert me to hedonism.

What about flowers? Ok, I see, no flowers. Books? What about your favourite book? Ok, I see, you do not read books. What makes you laugh?  Cry? Ok, I see, you have not thought about it. 

”Go to Earth,” they said. ”It will be fun,” they said.

Yet, I find myself trying to figure out which website can offer me that no-return ticket.

I’m not from here, but I do, I really do, love it here. Fascinated.

Impatient, scared and humanely human. You won’t cure your loneliness with yet another casual partner, I silently whisper in my mind.

”Another drink?” they ask.

After date number two or three, (sometimes even after date number one!) these pictures have a tendency to start popping up on your phone. And I can promise you, it is not a picture of their cat. 

A cat would be cute. I love cats!

It’s not what humans do that amazes me, but how fast they do it. Throwing intimate details at random strangers. You never asked about my day, though, I silently murmur.

But what do I know, not being from here.

And then there are these fascinating humans who have the ability to disappear! And I, who thought I was the peculiar one. It usually happens after a few dates. You were talking to each other and then, all of a sudden, poof – they are gone! Like they never even existed.

Fascinating! Please, tell me how it’s done!

It’s crowded here, both on Earth and on the apps.

”Why spend time on your phone when you can just talk to that beautiful girl sitting next to you?” I quietly ask the boy opposite me, swiping left and right like there’s no tomorrow.

”If you looked up, you would see the way she looks at you.”

I have come to notice that they are everywhere, these humans. It’s like they are blind to what’s happening around them!

I once saw this beautiful boy who was gathering the courage to walk up to a group of girls. But then came a notification on his phone, and suddenly he was in another world.

The girls walked away, and the boy ended up alone, next to his phone.

Humans tend to look down.

I wonder, could they maybe try to look up? Or at least straight ahead? I think it would do good for their necks, and perhaps, dating life.

Last week I heard a woman complaining on the phone about how lonely she is. It was 5pm and the food store was filled to the brim. Opposite her was an attractive man, apparently on his way to the gym.

I saw the way she looked at him.

He smiled at her, but she had already turned her back around.

That smile!

She did not notice.

I noticed!

What a shame.

It’s not what humans do that amazes me, but how they don’t seem to notice what is happening around them. It’s like they’ve lost their sense of sight.

I have always experienced life through the eyes. And why wouldn’t I?

Earth is beautiful. Humans too.